My usual spot
by Dramione27
Summary: Hermione is bored and alone, there are noises on the roof and Malfoy is in the middle of the lake with binoculars. What's up at Hogwarts? Hermione Granger attempts to find out. Brief hilarious twoshot DMHG, HPGW, RWLB.
1. I'm not some pervert Ron!

Hermione Granger was in a quite deserted common room when she heard a noise above, it sounded like people walking on the roof. She walked over to the window in an attempt to see but something else caught her eye, in the middle of the lake was a boat, in that boat was a certain blonde individual. She didn't know why but she was absolutely intrigued by the Slytherin Prince's unusually outcast-ish behaviour. She walked down to the lake in order to question him, she called and called but he couldn't hear her, in a moment of frustration she summoned Harry's broom. She didn't fly, she was rubbish at it, it wasn't because of an irrational fear of heights, more because, as Madam Hooch said on their first flying lesson, it is the kind of thing you can't learn from a book. Although she may be a horrible flyer she could still fly, she had to pass the course after all. So there she was climbing onto a broom to fly out to the middle of the lake to question Draco Malfoy on the reason he was in the middle of the lake. She flew up next to him and he nearly capsized the boat in his shock,  
"Malfoy what are you doing?"  
"I'm sitting,"  
"Why in a boat? Why in the middle of the lake?"  
"Because my usual spot was taken,"  
"Oh?"  
"The roof," Hermione raised her eyes in a question; he reached into the rickety wooden boat and pulled out a pair of binoculars, he handed them to her and gestured the roof of the castle she grasped the binoculars and nearly fell from the broom.  
"Ahh," she screamed, Draco grabbed her around the middle,  
"Do you want to come into the dingy?" she nodded hurriedly and he placed her on the seat across from him, lastly he grabbed the broom and laid it on the bottom of the dingy. She composed herself hurriedly and looked through the binoculars, sure enough when she focused on the Hogwarts roof she saw many a couple laying down looking at the stars or making out or fooling around. She lowered the binoculars and looked at him,  
"What are you doing Malfoy?"  
"I just told you I'm sitting damn it."  
"No, we're head students; we should be up there handing out detentions,"  
"Why? The war is on, they're young, let them have their fun!"  
"We can't, it's against the rules,"  
"Rules schmules."  
"Malfoy!"  
"Granger," she huffed and looked through the binoculars again,  
"Oh my god! Are those two actually? Oh my god they are! They're having sex on the roof," she pushed the binoculars from her and into his hands, "That is so disgusting." Malfoy started looking through the binoculars,  
"Where are they?" Hermione vaguely pointed, "Merlin, they're really goin' for it aren't they?"  
"Malfoy!"  
"What?"  
"You are invading on somebody's most intimate moment!"  
"They want us to look, why else would they be on the roof instead of safe in their dorms?"  
"Men are so vulgar."  
"Why thankyou Granger,"  
"That wasn't a compliment,"  
"Better than ferret-face," she shrugged in indifference, there was a moment silence, "Did you really come all the way out here just to ask what I was doing?"  
"I was bored, I'd been studying for three hours straight, all of my friends are up on the roof," she shuddered.  
"You sure that's the only reason you're down here?"  
"Entirely," she crossed her arms, he pulled her arms away from her body and pulled her close to him, "What are you doing Malfoy?"  
"I'm going to kiss you Granger,"  
"Why?"  
"Because,"  
"That's nonsense, everyone knows because isn't a reason-" But we never found out what she would have said next because Draco pulled her into a crushing kiss, she placed her hands on his shoulders but soon her resistance died and she melted to him, he pulled away and with her eyes closed her face followed the movement of his and her fingers went to her lips,  
"What did you think of that Granger?"  
"I'm, going to kiss you Malfoy," and she pulled him roughly by the scruff of his robes so that their lips met again.

Meanwhile on the roof;

"Harry…Ahh, Harry, it's an emergency!" he pulled away from Ginny who was underneath him (still dressed, shame on you),  
"This better be good,"  
"I'm blind, I won't be able to face her tomorrow…I'll have nightmares,"  
"What the hell Ron?"  
"Look at the lake," Ron had gone quite pale and Lavender was giggling, Harry looked out over the lake, there was a boat in the middle of the lake and all he could see was two people moving rapidly to undress and have their way with each other,  
"What is it?"  
"Look closer Harry,"  
"I'm not some pervert Ron,"  
"It's Mione!"  
"What?" and Harry and Ginny were soon leaning as far as they could over the roof to see the boat. Sure enough there was a bushy brown head, they looked closer and saw that she was kissing a pale chest; looking closer still they saw the blonde head lift her head to his and kiss her passionately. "Ahh," they screamed in unison. They looked around, nearly all the eyes were now on the lake cheering. Tomorrow's gonna be an interesting day!

* * *

AN: Hope you like! Oneshot but I'm thinking about writing a sequel about the next day. Tell me what you think. 


	2. Being friends with Snape is inexcusable

The next morning and Hermione woke up warm, she stretched and opened her eyes only to realise that she was naked next to Draco Malfoy under their clothes in a rickety wooden boat in the middle of the lake. "Morning," Draco said while stretching himself, she watched his pale chest in the morning light and couldn't help but start placing kisses up and down it. "That tickles," he poked her between the ribs playfully and she grinned up at him, post-coital bliss they called this…_Oh and it's worth it!_ Hermione thought. She remembered everything about last night and strangely it didn't freak her out, not even the fact that it was Draco. He looked down at his left wrist, "It's seven o'clock," he whispered while kissing her on the forehead,  
"We should get dressed and go have some breakfast."  
"Yep," they dressed silently, interrupted every now and then by spontaneous kissing or giggling (on Hermione's part). Once they were dressed he magically rowed the boat to the edge, hopped out and then helped her out handing her Harry's broom. They separated in the entrance hall and went to their respective dormitories. The castle was empty, the common room, the dormitory…even the girl's bathroom, all conspicuously empty. _Maybe they're all already at breakfast?_ she thought. She showered quickly, changed and walked down to the hall to make the eight o'clock breakfast rush.  
"Damn," she muttered, she was usually here much earlier. She walked hurriedly through the doors and then stopped suddenly as a great torrent of noise and many wolf whistles and cat calls greeted her ears. Shocked she looked around to see all eyes on her with the boys (and most of the girls) chanting;  
"Encore, encore…" The Slytherins leered, the Ravenclaws jeered, the Hufflepuffs cheered and finally her eyes fell on the Gryffindor table, mostly they were joining in with the rest of the school but a small group at the end of the table were looking away from her awkwardly. She approached them and sat down,  
"So I trust this means you all know that I screwed Malfoy last night?" Ginny spat out her drink as the others nodded silently and looked down at their laps. Hermione shrugged her shoulders and grabbed some toast, she was about to get up and leave when Harry and Ron turned to her, Ron looked up at her,  
"Err, Mione?"  
"Yes," Ron elbowed Harry in the gut,  
"Oww…fine I'll ask…Mione, why Malfoy?"  
"Because I felt like it," she said simply with no further explanation as she turned and left the Great Hall, "and it felt good," she said to herself.

She left the doors and walked down the few stairs to the entrance hall, just then a very fast and very blonde Slytherin came rushing around the corner and straight into her. She fell down onto the ground, "Oww,"  
"Sorry," he helped her up, "Where are you off to?"  
"Walk around the grounds, wanna come?"  
"No thanks,"  
"Okay," he continued walking towards the Great Hall, she stopped, she couldn't resist seeing the look on his face. He opened the doors and walked through to a barrage of noise and questions and then the Slytherin boys walked over, Blaise high-fived him then punched him in the gut and walked off with all the other Slytherin seventh years trailing behind him. She laughed and he glared at her, grabbing a muffin to go he walked out to follow her into the grounds,

"Think that was funny did you?"  
"Yes, you know why?"  
"Why?"  
"Because it was fucking hilarious." She cracked up again, he stared her down and when she finally finished he was tapping his foot with his hands on his hips glaring in a menacing fashion.  
"For your information it's a Slytherin tradition,"  
"What? Punch all those who try to seed dirty mudbloods?" He looked up at her shocked, "Calm down, don't stress, I'm on the pill," He looked at her curiously, "It's a muggle contraception," He looked at her more curiously,  
"And why is Goody-two-shoes-Head Girl-perfect-score-Granger using contraception?"  
"A girl has needs you know?" she grinned flirtatiously and turned to walk towards the lake, "Oh fuck!"  
"What?" she gestured towards the windows to the hall where it seems hundreds of people were pressed up against the glass, "Oh…don't any of them have lives?"  
"They simply want the juiciest gossip,"  
"Let's give them something to gossip about then?" and he pulled her into another kiss, she however had other ideas. She pushed him away breaking the kiss and slapped him,  
"Please kiss me again Malfoy," she moaned holding up her hand as if to hit him again, he obliged and she pushed him to the ground, slapped him and then stormed off,  
"Oh, you're cruel Granger," he muttered to himself while watching her retreat, he'd never really stopped and watched her walk before but he had to say she had a nice arse on her. He continued watching until she was out of eye-shot of the hall when she turned, winked, ran her tongue over her teeth and then beckoned him seductively. He stood up and ran after her, she ran as well and he caught her halfway between the lake and the quidditch pitch, he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her to the ground, he pinned her down but she didn't reach for her wand or flail or hit or threaten to wipe his smirk off the face of the Earth, instead she just laughed. He released her but she just stayed there on the ground laughing, pretty soon he joined in.  
"Why are you laughing?" she said between pants after five minutes,  
"Because you're crying," he said before rolling on top of her and wiping the happy tears away, she lifted her head towards his slightly as his lips came crashing onto hers.

* * *

Meanwhile in Advanced Transfiguration (which started twenty minutes ago):

"Where are Miss. Granger and Mr. Malfoy?" the class started laughing, "Oh, come on, seriously, I'm not in with the current lingo but what I just said could not have possibly been construed as something remotely sexual. Now I repeat my question, where are Miss. Granger and Mr. Malfoy?" Lavender spoke up,  
"They're probably out in the ground somewhere engaging in some pretty violent and, I'd have to say, Damn sexy foreplay." Professor McGonagall was truly shocked at this, ripping each other new ones she expected, but foreplay? Were they in some kind of relationship? Well this _was_ news. She had to inform the entire staff of the juiciest piece of gossip this year, nay, this century, but first she needed proof.  
"Come class, leave your bags and books here and bring your wands, we're going to have a practical lesson outside." Everyone was shocked but they were all equally excited each wanting to be the first to find the odd couple. They got out into the grounds and the first noise they heard was Neville talking to Professor McGonagall,  
"Professor, I forgot my wand in the classroom," the second noise heard was a quiet moaning that seemed to be coming from the direction of the greenhouses. Professor McGonagall set them to work transfiguring toadstools into…turnips and back again, Neville was whining again but she dismissed him and then placed a spell ensuring none of them could leave this area. She walked stealthily and warily towards the greenhouses where she bumped into Severus Snape,  
"Severus!" she shrieked softly, "What are you doing here?"  
"The same as you, I think,"  
"They are my students,"  
"But Draco is a Slytherin,"  
"And Hermione a Gryffindor,"  
"But…"  
"Shush," she approached an alley between the two front-most greenhouses and soon caught two of the most unlikely people in a rather compromising position. She watched the two for a moment tilting her head from side to side contemplating exactly how a body can be that flexible when she suddenly outburst. "Miss. Granger! Mr. Malfoy!" they jumped, blushed and quickly replaced their robes. "Report straight to my office and wait there for me." They both obliged and after a moments pause Minerva McGonagall was running to the staff room to spill the juiciest gossip of the century. Outside the door she ran into an exhausted looking Snape, "Did you just run up here to beat me?"  
"Maybe," he huffed, they fought over the door knob for a while until she transfigured Snape into a turnip (Why turnip you ask? I really don't know, apparently she had turnips on the brain!) and walked into the staff room.  
"Merlin, you will never believe what I just saw!" just then Snape came bursting into the room,  
"Malfoy and Granger, screwing each other," he panted,  
"How the hell did you get in here?" she rounded on him,  
"A student was walking past and seeing a turnip with sexy black hair (translation: greasy mop hair) she used amazing transfiguration skills and changed me back into me. Ha!" he added.  
"Who was this student?"  
"Why none other than Hermione Granger herself." Minerva scowled at her colleague.

* * *

Meanwhile back in the grounds: 

The students of the Advanced Transfiguration class were stuck in a magic bubble;  
clawing at it,  
trying to transfigure it,  
trying to drill a hole through it,  
flying over it, these all hadn't worked.  
They were hungry and the crime, the lunch bell had gone a good ten minutes ago. The injustice, Hermione and Draco had walked past next to each other not even acknowledging the rest of the class…great they got to be free and they were the ones who had been screwing each other in a dark alley of the school, during school hours…and wagging class!

* * *

Back in Professor McGonagall's office: 

"Mr. Malfoy, Miss. Granger, I know what it's like to be a teenager," the two of them looked at her in a look that said Oh-My-God-you're-so-ancient-and-you're-going-to-give-us-_this_-speech. "I used to be one and I remember going on the odd fancy-free tryst with a good friend of mine," now they were giving her the Oh-My-God-TMI look, "But you have to realise, not only was what you were doing against school rules but it was promoting inter-house unity. We can't at all costs promote House unity, that would mean having to be friends with Snape and that is inexcusable, you will both have five hours of detention…in separate rooms, to think about what you have done!" She looked from one to the other in pure satisfaction. "You will also both report to the hospital wing after I am done with you, Madam Pomfrey will talk to you both about responsibility and give you both an exam…to make sure you both aren't suffering incurable diseases which affects your decision-making." She looked at them again, "Now off you go to the hospital wing, you will serve your detentions tomorrow afternoon, be sure to bring all your homework to complete."

* * *

Meanwhile back in the grounds: 

The students were sitting there still, dying of thirst and starvation. Apparently it never occurred to the Advanced Transfiguration class to simply transfigure their turnips into food or butterbeer or perhaps a map of an escape route.

* * *

In the hospital wing: 

Both checked over by Madam Pomfrey (who remarkably found no traces of mind altering drugs, spells, potions, curses or charms of any kind) they were both asleep, they should have been listening to the speech Madam Pomfrey had been giving but were apparently too tired. After she finished they awoke and went to their respective dormitories and beds.

* * *

Meanwhile back in the grounds: 

The Advanced Transfiguration class still hadn't gotten wise and Minerva had completely forgotten about them.

* * *

AN: Whoa that was a long chapter, please review. I'll keep continuing this story so long as I get ten reviews per chapter. Come on it isn't that much, remember I know how many hits I get so you can't weasel out of it. The Advanced Transfiguration class is stupid. No House Unity, save Minerva from Severus!


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